Can we let go and be happy when we're happy, be sad when we're sad, be upset when we're upset, be lonely when we're lonely, be frightened when we're frightened?
Can we simply be whatever it is without needing to be someone who is having that experience?
Can each experience simply happen and that be all right?
- Cheri Huber
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It's not a matter of letting go -- you would if you could. Instead of "Let it go," we should probably say "Let it be."
Jon Kabat-Zinn
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5 comments:
Good idea. I'm starting to realize that just being miserable is not that bad if you don't drag it out. There is also the idea that repressing something--anything--only seems to encourage it to come back later, when it is stronger. Live and let live, applied internally, maybe.
By the way, I love these posts of yours.
Thanks, Roy! I am constantly working on honoring and acknowledging my feelings, speaking to myself and others about them in a calm and clear voice, without thinking that my feelings define who or what I am.
Saying, "I am sad," does not make me a sad person. Saying, "I am angry," does not make me an angry person. They are feelings, and they will pass. Feel, don't wallow, is what I tell myself.
Conversely, there's also a recent post on Cheri Huber's blog (linked on this blog) about repetition of the story to a "mentor" with no vested interest in the story can help to defuse the fire:
I’ve long suspected that, depending on the situation, telling the story can be more a matter of “adding fuel to the fire” than taking steps to let it go. There can be that little spin, the right choice of words to elicit the desired response. Each telling can add another layer, voices might slip in, there’s a touch of added emotion, some memories surface from similar situations… And, yet, without any outlet it can feel as if the energy, remaining contained, festers.
What is a person to do? Yep, you guessed it—a person can pick up their recorder and have a very helpful talk with the Mentor. The story can come out. The story is heard again and again, if one so chooses. Information, encouragement, clarity, wisdom, compassion can come in from a source with no investment in anything other than the end of suffering.
Simple, but not easy. God, I love this stuff.
It also sounds like just one good friend can help. I remember reading in an article about childhood bullying that if your kid has even one friend, she is probably going to be alright. The author said, though, if your kid has no friends at all, then definitely see a counselor.
I was struggling with an issue over the weekend, and I called my sister the zennie, and she didn't offer any advice, or "you shoulds," but instead actively listened and asked me questions. Reflective listening, I think it's called. Basic therapeutic technique, but gets down to the core idea that all the answers to our questions/issues/problems lie within ourselves.
I wonder if one can reflectively listen to oneself... oh, wait, that's called meditation, isn't it?
(Aside: captcha word is "mallow" as in "marsh.")
The book, Thoughts Without a Thinker is perhaps, for the modern reader, one of the best explications of both psychoanalysis and Buddhism. The author is both a therapist and a Buddhist. It's a bloody good read and packs a lot in, considering it's a slim volume.
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