Introspective people are often accused of being self-absorbed or self-centered. But to look inward and learn to take full responsibility for oneself is the most courageous and unselfish work a human being can do. To find out how and why one is cruel, intolerant, hateful, greedy, blaming, and judging and to learn to let go of the behaviors that accompany those attitudes is 180 degrees from selfish -- it is selfless.
Cheri Huber
Sex & Money...Are Dirty, Aren't They?
(A Guided Journal)
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So then what if we can’t stop the judgmental, critical thoughts, or that “I must fix this” sort of feeling? Well, how would we respond if we found our best friend in that state? Would we tell her she’s being bad? Or tell her to just stop it? I doubt it. I’d want to sit down with her and be supportive, find out what’s underneath all those thoughts, and why she’s feeling that way. I’d want to at least just listen and let her know I care. Can we do that for ourselves? Now THAT is a practice of kindness.
Every time we turn to ourselves with patience and forgiveness for our supposed “failures,” we’re training ourselves to be kind. I find a sense of relief in being honest and authentic with myself in this way. It’s not an admission of failure. I’m not condoning my critical thoughts, but I AM forgiving the person who is having those thoughts.
So the whole idea here is to learn how to BE kind, right now, and not to try to shape myself into some future-oriented image of what I think I should be. The more we practice the act of being kind now, the more it becomes natural to us. This is the practice.
Ask Auntie Suvanna
"Learning to Love Ourselves"
Wildmind Buddhist Meditation
6 comments:
I went to a Quaker retreat on spiritual practices this weekend. And I realized that while my ability to meditate, pray, discern, yadda yadda yadda ebbed and flowed, *my* spiritual practice is making myself a lovely dinner almost every night. Food is sacred, and spiritual practices are all about learning to feed ourselves. And cooking is creative. It's a dance. It involves all of the senses. . .
(You think sex and money are dirty: try talking about FOOD!)
Is that self-centered? Should I suffer through Lean Cuisine to make myself a better person? I don't THINK so. . .
I think it is a good thing to give ourselves permission to be human, and try to live the right kind of life within that context. How to do that is the age old question, I suppose. Being human is a matter of walking that surprisingly fine line between indulgence and repression.
Anyway, I was thinking that being self-centered is the only way to start out, because that is the way we are. From there, it's a matter of "ranging out" to the best of our abilities. As you've said here before, there is no deadline, no finish line, so we can hardly "fail."
I liked the notion of learning to be kind by being kind to ourselves. It's so simple.
Cheri Huber has a precepts book called "Good Life" in which she says that her life IS her practice -- or as I take it to mean, why should my behavior or approach to life be different inside the meditation center and outside? This kinda blew me away, and was a BIG "aha!" moment for me. Wow, broaden my practice so what happens off the cushion is the same as what happens on it.
Not saying this isn't a complete struggle and I fail at it most days, but on the days when I am able to do it skillfully, I do notice that those days just feel different. Better, somehow.
I still struggle with the being kind to myself thing.
"Is Taking Care of Oneself Selfish?"
Never. In any form.
and hey doll, I'm blogging again. A different kind of saucy (but fuck if it don't creep in). Come visit if you can ;)
http://www.eatitdenver.com/
You are a beautiful soul. So many times I've heard Aboriginal folk say they must love themselves first --for they do not receive a natural acceptance from whites. It breaks my heart when I hear it because they are just like everybody else, they merely look different. A few are proud, even arrogant but most have the inward crushing that's been there since white settlement.
I cannot remember loathing myself and my temperament is easy going, somewhat passive, come-what-may.
Thank you. You have given me insight and wisdom. From loving yourself, and writing about it, you have given a gift to the world.
Roy wrote:
"give ourselves permission to be human"
Simple yet very profound.
Thanks, Roy.
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