Shoulding All Over Ourselves

I promise a better update, and soon, but the last week has been a challenge of paying attention, listening to what goes on with my heart, and challenging the "shoulds" that I've been trained to believe: 

I should be reacting to my mother's death a certain way, I should be feeling certain things and should be demonstrating those feelings in a socially-expected and socially-acceptable manner (weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth and rending of clothes), and my family should be doing certain things with regard to my mother's death.

Now I should go back to work.  And that's not a conditioned "should" -- I actually have to earn a living here.